i'm finding my excessive hours of studying to be draining, but i'm feeling confident on my knowledge and ability to apply the material. it's interesting that i never had this same kind of group before for my classes that i have now to study with, because if i had not taken my year off i never would have met them, and would not have the advantages that i am currently receiving by knowing them.
i'd be lying if i wasn't nervous about having two tests tomorrow on the same day, but despite how they turn out (although I believe they will be B's at worst) I know that I am supposed to be doing what I am doing. i am intelligent, capable, and motivated. now i just need to get back to work and make sure that i am also ready for my microbiology test for tomorrow.
review/learn anything unlearned for microbiology --> home --> sleep --> wake --> starbucks --> review material for biochem --> biochem test --> study for microbiology --> lunch --> microbio test --> work --> rest :)
I work on saturday and hang with fellow pledges for planning on saturday night. On sunday ima shoot a bitch 'cause we be goin paintballin.
Then back to the grind on monday. Life is great.
well shit. i was right in thinking 2008 would be light years better than 2007.
i should probably stop smoking cigarettes if i want to be a credible doctor.
yesterday was bonding with the people in my pledge class, which was done by making a trip to whidbey island. i'd never been to any of the islands since i'd been here, so having a chance to explore the unknown and be outdoors again was greatly welcomed. we trekked and made our way to fort collins which was short of our original destination of deception pass, but we had a little slow down by our youngest, who despite his many objections, does often run on gst (gay standard time).
the autumn sun was out and the air was brisk. the beach and the open fields where the fort resided were cooled by the crisp air blowing from the pacific. the tourists were few, leaving much room to run and explore. had i been on my own, i could have sat and thought for hours on end while taking in the scenery.
i had not, up to this point, experienced sea kelp before. it's an amazing plant, strong, rubbery, and reminded me much of surgical tubing. if it didn't degrade, i would wonder why we weren't using it instead.
i found myself questioned multiple times yesterday on my views on life, a theme that appears to make up my quarter. i don't think i can fully articulate them yet, but every time i do, i feel that i get a bit closer to understanding myself.
i find that although i have reached where last year i intended myself to be, i didn't believe that it would simultaneously come with the happiness that i now feel. i know i am not doing everything as perfectly as i would like, but let me sufface that with 'just yet'. i'm making my moves and dreaming big, but every goal takes little steps before reach them.
there is much beauty to behold in this world, whether or not i chose to see it before. i felt as if my eyes were opening, but i closed them three years ago. in doing so i had to find my way through the dark, and inevitably regressed. my progression has been over this past year and a half, and currently has brought me back to four years ago. this time i have the experience i needed then and the strength to further myself. now it is time to not only observe the beauty in the world, but help create it.
i was asked yesterday what my favorite word was and i chose existence.
i'm using my friend's discount and buying my mom a coach purse for her birthday... I will also be selfish and buy myself a coach signature messenger bag. it's fucking adorable.
i assume my loss of interest in video games has been supplanted by an overly expensive aesthetic in designer items. i know that at the end of everything my items will eventually degrade into it's original carbon components, but for now, i'm going to go play with the rich kids. because it just takes a look to get a bit further.
just like any one else who adheres to a certain style, i think i've found mine. unfortunately the items don't show up in thrift stores very often.
oh, i have glasses now. i should probably take an excessive amount of pictures and then pick the best, which is usually only two, and make them my front picture/avatar all over the internets. although, i should probably do my biochemistry quiz first.
ph and buffers are kind of amazing. we are kept alive by a system that has been named, studied and thoroughly researched, yet many have no idea it exists inside us.
the main point i've learned from my classes thus far: everything that we think about how life works is wrong. i'm excited to see where we will be in 20 years (if our civilization is still continuing).
lastly, sarah palin has no intellectual capacity. she has robotic features, easily programmable, often found in mid-level management types. unfortunately, those with high intellectual capacity and a drive to control the nation have found a way to turn her into a fashionable, tabloid mess of a perfectly incapable, inept candidate for the vice-presidential seat of what used to be a pretty damn good country. fuck her winking and the easily coaxed.
so, in an effort to make some friends and connect with this whole gay community that i'm inevitably part of, i've decided to rush for the progressive men's (mostly gay) fraternity on campus. they don't have a house, which works for me, and the guys are pretty close, interesting, and have the common theme of going to college.
gives me a chance to meet some new people, network, and have the chance to do volunteer projects that will be available without me having to try and find them on my own. i'm kind of equating it to when i joined football my last year of high school (although I have a bit more of that for college), when i figured i'd regret it if i didn't do it.
so, here i go, a new gay joe. i'm somewhat disappointed i didn't decide to join them sooner, but i figure i wasn't ready to be myself prior to now. hence, the reason i dated ryan and thought that was okay.
tonight we are playing capture the flag. i figure i'll be an asset, because i'm somewhat of a badass runner now.
on a side note: microbiology is a bitch and i don't particularly care for it. but i've figured out my trick for making me want to study. learn the structures and the workings of bacteria/viruses so that i can DESTROY them. Antibiotics are amazing, they destroy the bane of my quarter.
So, I scheduled tomorrow off of work, and because of how work was on Friday, I didn't want to go today, so.. I'm sick.. *cough*. I love paid sick time. Now, I'm at a coffee shop, enjoying an iced americano and a bagel. With a MASSIVE amount of cream cheese. The cream cheese to bagel ratio in this case was ridiculous. I had enough cream cheese for three bagels.. and of course I used it all. It's fucking delicious.
I weight myself last week and I was 172. That's down from 255 last year. It took about a 1.5 years to lose the weight, but it feels good. And it's nice to be checked out consistently. I'd say I was much more discriminated against for being fat in Seattle than being gay, a nice change from Boise. Actually the most discrimination I've felt in Seattle is for smoking cigarettes. Not that I give a shit, but people are whiny and up their own asses about it. I mean, it's a horrible, poisoning habit and I probably shouldn't, but hey, only live once right? Haha, I have terrible logic, but honestly, I believe that the companies against smoking have done a great job informing me. I took that information and as a conscious independently minded adult I made my decision. Plus, menthols are kinda delicious.
Now, I'm going to get my books for my medical ethics class and then go talk to my PCP about my very possible ADD. Off I go!
I don't have to work at the front desk tomorrow. I'm so happy, because I hate working at it. I would love to elaborate my endless thoughts on how much I hated it, but that would be excessive.
It's done. School starts wed. And everything has somehow fallen into place. I feel like I'm heading on the right path. It's nice to have the realization that I am not a fuck up when I try. I just smoked too much weed before.
Oh, and funny story, boy I had a date with last week used to date this boy josh, who is friends with gina, who lives back in oregon, where he was from. Life is small and interconnected.
school can't start soon enough